Chapter
13 – Behind The Scenes
…we
are at different states of mental health throughout our lives. There
are times when nerve resistance is high and we feel at peace. There
are times when our nerve resistance is low and we feel unrest. If you
want to test whether your nerve resistance is high or low, look at how
you react to the stress of your everyday life. It is quite simple. If
you are reacting, your nerve resistance is down. If your nerve
resistance was high, you wouldn't have all those spontaneous reactions
to the events outside of you. If your nerve resistance is very low,
you may feel as if you are about to explode, "blow a gasket" or "come
apart at the seams."
~~
Thoughts
and impulses control feelings and sensations. And YOU, only you, have
control and power over your thoughts and impulses.
~~
The
process of changing behavior is two-fold. First, you must form new thoughts
to take control of present thoughts. Second, you must command your muscles
to take control of your impulses. There is more: you only have to re-direct
the thoughts or the impulses. Managing either (thoughts or impulses)
will refresh feelings and sensations back to a healthy, less stressful
state.
~~
When
you want to push yourself to do something and find yourself cringing,
command your muscles to move. If you develop a lump in your throat
when you want to speak, tell your face muscles to relax, then your speech
muscles to speak. You will prove to yourself that the act of speaking
is merely uncomfortable: distressing, not dangerous.
~~
You
can put a halt to any behavior you detest. If you hate the fact
that you yell at the kids when you're stressed, control the impulse
to shriek at them. Control your speech muscles. At first you may find
yourself clenching your back teeth to keep from speaking, but in time
you will become more comfortable with checking your impulses.
~~
To
stop an activity or action which is already in progress, command the
muscles involved in the activity to stop. If you find yourself tailgating
the car in front of you and becoming more tense because traffic is snarled,
command the muscles of your right foot to let up on the pressure you're
putting on the accelerator pedal. You can't make rush hour traffic move
faster by upsetting yourself. Would you rather be calm? Of course you
would! So work at being calm. When you're weaving in and out of traffic
with a scowl on your face, the only thing you are accelerating is your
tension.
Chapter
14 – Watch Your Words
One
crucial ingredient of mental fitness is to stop thinking and speaking
in extremes. Adjectives only add to agony. Change the expression "horrible
headache" to simply a "headache." Adverbs also overstate and maximize.
You can say you cry "all" the time or replace the word "all" and say,
you cry "some" or "most" of the time. Why is it so important to drop
the extremes? Because they make you believe it is impossible to get
well.
~~
In
the process of learning how to stop overstating how I felt, I became
aware of what a negative slant I had on life in general. I was shocked
at the pattern of negative thinking I had developed. In my mind, a half-full
glass was half-empty, a partly sunny day was partly cloudy. My thoughts
focused on what was missing or negative. Today when I have a 4:00 p.m.
deadline and it is 2:00 p.m., I still have two hours left instead
of only two hours left. I have found that you can't have peace
and comfort if you rarely see the positive.
~~
Learning
to drop extremes is the first step in realistic thinking. When you omit
exaggerating words, you think in a rational manner rather than an emotional
one. And, when you are less emotional, you are more calm and in control.
Chapter
15 – Stretch And Grow
Doing
something objective cuts into runaway thoughts. The purpose: to shift
from thinking subjectively about what is going on inside, (the feelings
and sensations), to thinking objectively of something outside of you.
~~
Objectivity
is not just a means of distraction. The technique will not work if you
merely change your thinking to something pleasant - because there is
emotion involved with recalling memories. Thinking about Christmas holidays,
vacation or your favorite activity may provide a diversion, but thoughts
will invariably drift from pleasant occasions to not-so-pleasant ones.
Because we have been trained in opposites, you are bound to think about
something or someone that "spoiled" an event for you. Then, negative
thoughts roll into your thinking pattern.
~~
Using
objectivity as a means of stopping panicky thoughts means thinking of
a material object in terms you can verify or measure. For me, it was
good to have the same object to go back to and "see" in my mind. I chose
my car. It was a Ford, grey, with four doors, four black-wall tires,
full hubcaps and eight windows (front, back, side and vent). I used
to remember what model it was, details about the dashboard and interior,
but those memories are long gone. The point is, my objective thoughts
were indeed measurable and verifiable.
~~
It
is average to feel uncomfortable when you are in unfamiliar territory.
You are confronted with discomfort when doing virtually anything "new,"
in any life situation. When you accept the fact that it is okay to be
uncomfortable, you are not startled and frightened by your thoughts
and body sensations. Facing discomfort is a normal part of stretching
out of the old and growing into the new. Once you learn to handle your
discomfort, you can handle anything.
Chapter
16 – Knowledge Versus Skill
In
a single class you may acquire knowledge, but skill and knowledge are
not synonymous. Skill comes from taking knowledge and putting it to
use. Having a skill means being proficient.
~~
You
can play handyman and switch out the drain in your sink or fix a leaky
faucet, but that does not make you a plumber. You can learn a computer
word-processing application, but you will not remember how to access
all the features unless you use the program on a regular basis.
Knowledge
teaches you what to do, but practice shows you how to do it. There is
on-the-job (OTJ) practice required to turn knowledge into skill.
~~
There
were times when I felt silly repeating, "distressing but not dangerous"
to myself dozens of times per day. Nevertheless, it worked. It made
me feel comfortable, secure and at peace. Full understanding and belief
came only after many months of miniature successes. When you consciously
work at thinking secure/safe thoughts, there is no room for the insecure/negative
ones.
~~
The
repetition was part of my comprehensive wellness program. I had a lot
of core thinking to cancel out, and wasn't going to accomplish creating
a new "me" overnight. I have yet to see a catalogue advertising replacement
brain cells. We have to re-imprint our own and it takes time.
~~
You
know the printout from a computer program will not change unless you
replace the data in the file. It is the same with life. Your personal
life will not change unless your thoughts change. You can't just wish
things to change.
Chapter
17 – A Pause In Progress
After
you have made some headway, there are going to be times when you step
sideways. There will be times when your symptoms are stronger than they
have been in a while, times when you think you are going to lose all
the ground you have gained. Even though setbacks are average, they are
frightening because they produce fear and doubt. A setback, or lull
in progress, is the reason why so many people quit so many self-improvement
projects and resume the search for the "right" path.
~~
During
a setback it is typical to fall back into comparing yourself to others
and feel as though you failed. It is a time when vision is clouded…
During a setback, you may think that you are back to "square one." But,
we never go back as far as we were. The very fact you have new knowledge,
insight, and practice in dealing with a disorder, does not allow you
to go back to the beginning in managing that disorder. Also, the return
of the symptoms does not mean return of the illness.
~~
It
was difficult to emerge from early setbacks because I became angry at
myself and questioned "what" I was doing wrong. I became even more enraged
because I had struggled so hard. …it is typical to have an angry, "why
me" attitude. It is common to think, "What did I do to deserve this,"
and "I'm angry because I feel this way." Everyone goes through it. It
is tough not to adopt this viewpoint when you cannot function at your
former levels as easily as everyone else. As much as I suffered, I did
not want to accept that I had any kind of mental disability.
~~
You
can have the same kind of "why me" attitude lurking inside without a
diagnosed disorder. It surfaces after you acknowledge that you have
any problem which requires intervention and effort on your part. You
can recognize the temper at your condition, by the mere fact that you
question "why" you are more prone to anger, weight problems or any of
the other outer manifestations of lowered self-esteem. The temper is
evident when you ask "why" you have to work so hard to correct your
personal difficulty.
Chapter
18 – Create A New Self-Image
Part
of the human thinking pattern is to compare ourselves to others. When
you are in a less than healthy mental state, you don't believe you measure
up to anyone's standards. You need a specific tactic to make you start
believing in yourself when your self-confidence and esteem are ground
to dust. Affirmations such as, "I'm doing great!," are not going to
work, because you are not doing great and you know it. Just because
you feel down and distraught, doesn't mean you can lie to yourself and
believe it.
~~
